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Squeezed

Dear Ones,

The love of mother and child regardless of age, sculpture in Jerusalem

I heard one sentence in a series I am watching, “No parent should outlive their child.” That’s a nice thought. But, it’s not always going to be true, is it? In my case, the child is back on course to outlive me. I hope it stays that way, but for 18 hours, we didn’t know. For the first time I can remember, I had no words to pray when I prayed about this. I had to trust that others had words for us as we asked for prayer support. I know the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, so I leaned heavily on that faith.

Emotions were put on hold: real emotions were buried and pushed down. Instead, anger, frustration, doubts about decisions I made long ago about parenting (disciplinarian), decisions I made about how to parent an adult child (encourager and cheerleader), and finally, when good news came, the true emotions flowed. Relief with tears. Praise to the Lord for what we wanted to see happen for our son. Life and hope is restored. But, the journey to wholeness won’t be easy. And we know the Lord who is powerful and able to complete the good work that He is doing.

My personal life in relation to the master designer is like this:  

I am a lump of play dough inside a cardboard box that has a way for the master creator to reach inside and work on me as he sees fit. He is creating something beautiful, ever since my first spark of life happened. He can see everything He is doing and can even see parts that are not physically visible. Being the lump of playdough, inside the box, I cannot see Him nor know what His plans are for me until He reveals himself and his plans to me, usually as they unfold. He knows what He is doing, so I can trust whatever way He molds me and wherever He takes me.

These past few days have not been a lump of play dough. No. I have been a bunch of ripe grapes, being squeezed until the skins burst and fluid pours out. I give this to the Lord as an offering to allow him to do whatever He wants, trusting that, even though it hurts and has uncertainty to the outcome, I know the ultimate outcome is for His glory, no matter what. If it’s been difficult for me, I can’t imagine how difficult is has been for others who are closer even that us as parents, and I know it’s even more difficult for our son. I can’t speak for them, so I will share what I believe by faith and by a life of leaning on Jesus, our Lord and God. 

God is a master designer. He created the world, the universe, and all that is in it. Best of all, He created me. He molds me with hands that are not physical but I feel what He is doing anyway. He leads me with feet I cannot see but I am able to follow anyway. He speaks to me in a voice my ears don’t hear but my mind can hear him anyway. He loves me like the best father and mother you can imagine who is both just and fair. My heart has the ability to be full with His love. As a good parent, He gives me everything I need, so I can live a life of contentment.

Sometimes, what He does with me is viewed as wonderful. Sometimes, it hurts, and is painful. Sometimes, I doubt what I previously came to know about His care for me. But, He is always patient and shows me that He is kind and just and will provide just what I need. This is designed by Him so that I can know that He is given the credit, not me and what I can do. I am glad He is in charge.

My view is narrow because my own lens is focused on my immediate surroundings that involve me directly, but He has given me words to read so that I can better understand Him and His ways about what He wants in my own life and in the world. His words help me to understand what my position is in this world and how I am to relate to others. I know I cannot discipline myself to be loving and kind, so I am glad that He is willing to work on my heart and change it in just the right way, in just the right amount, and in just the right times.

Oh Lord, Thank you for providing others to pray when we could not pray. Thank you for moving on our family’s behalf. 

Lots of love,

Debbie

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